I'm back!!!!!

OK oK OK!!!! I'm back by popular demand...
MCM faham je aku nie...
Whakkahakaha!!!!

Been busy lately... with attachment, family, my darling and lots more...

Will update once i Have the time...

And to you sayang....
Congrats for ur graduation on the 25th April 08. At last, u r now a full pledge Prison Officer....

To Sabri, I will not close down this blog... it's been a long way since... It's tiring to start all over again...
To IKA, it's ok, that comment came from someone who dunt appreciate GOD's creation....

All the best guys...


Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Happy New Year

It's about time that we should say goodbye to 2007 and welcome 2008.
I'm really gonna do some reflection on 2007 and look back at my last year's new year's resolutions.
2007 have been a good year for me. In terms of my studies, I've improved compared to last year's performances.

As for my relationships with my friends, yup, I've created many friendships with people that really appreciate me although there are those who just took advantage of it. Ijat, Peah, Puteri, Amir, Iswandi, Immirza, my classmates and those that I never mention your names and u know who u are, thanks for being a great fren and being there for me.
My family is the best. My sisters had learnt to talk to me and at least show me a bit of respect. Cos in terms of respect, u got to earn it as it never come freely. My mum trusted me more and it really makes me happy to know that she is happy for me. My kids are growing perfectly. Love them more each day.
Financial wise, things have been looking up. Got a sponsorship, deary landed a stable job, everything is going on well.
Problems will always be there, but I learnt to handle it wisely and solve it in an amicable way instead of running from it.
And my love life is anything but great. Accepted by my future in-laws. Loved by them. Engaged to a wonderful man. Yah, we had our difference especially after our engagement, maklumlah, dugaan alam pertunangan. But again, along the way, we learnt alot about each others good and bad points and we also learnt to accept things that can't be changed and try to change what can be. Our view came from each others eyes and not one sided.

All this, Thanks to the ALMIGHTY. It all comes from Allah and I really appreciate whatever that HE has given me. Alhamdulillah.
What happened in the past, it's actually a test from Allah. In life, you really need hard knocks for you to learn to appreciate things around you. You will surely fall many times while learning to walk. But what is important is that you stand up from that fall and keep on walking. Never give up by being afraid that you will fall again. You will never walk in this manner. How can you run without walking?

I'm really lucky to be the chosen ones to go through a difficult part in my life. That part really taught me alot and made me grew up. I used to regret and ask why these happened to me and why me? But again, I found out something that others don't. I found the real meaning of Family bonding. I found out the true meaning of love. I found myself.
Reflecting on the past really made me a better person to live the present and make my future a better one. All the memories be it good or bad, I will keep and guard it to be opened and look up some time in the days to come.

As for now, my new year resolutions for 2008 will be:
-> Start to do my pillar, Sholat.
-> Start saving for my wedding
-> take care of my health so that I can take less MCs and concentrate on my studies.
-> Forgive the people who made my life misreable in the past.
-> Get a license.
-> Spend more time with my kids and concentrate on them.
-> Be a better daughter, mum, fren, sister, student and lover.

For you people, you are welcome to remind me of my resolutions at any point that I may overlook my resolutions.
May the next year be a better year for everyone. InsyaAllah.

Sayang,
Thanks for being there for me.
Your love, encouragement and your concern have really made me who I am today.
Without you, I don't know what will become of me.
God gave you to me for a reason.
And the reason why he gave you to me now and not before, only HE knew it.
We are working towards a common goal in our relationship and it can only be a reality if we work together.
May our love and relationship grow stronger each day.
Amin.

~Sit(I)lyas Forever~
~Staying strong since 06.10.06~

Time together

2 more weeks to go before Deary finish his training. Time really past very quickly indeed. His practical training at Changi already ended and that also means he have to stay in camp. It's back to the days when he would have to book in on Sunday and I would count the days to Friday. At least the last week was not that bad because of the holiday. It's only from Wed til Fri. It's also the same for next week. After that, it's back to square one of waiting , missing and counting days.

My kids will start school next Wed, and as for me, a week more to late night sleeping and late afternoon naps. Really miss school and my crazy classmates. Received some bad news recently that 2 of my classmates have dropped out. Kinda sad but no matter what, I just hoped that they made the right choice and good luck to them.

I'm really missing my Deary so much that everything I do seems to go wrong. Deary booked out yesterday but we decided not to meet as he was kinda shagged and he suggested that we both stayed home and be a good son and daughter. And furthermore, Syahid was down with a fever. Haha! That shocked everyone. Tak pernah2 seh we were at home on a Friday night!!!

Dunno what got into me, woke up and looking at the weather, just felt like going to the beach. Called Deary and told him about my plan to go Sentosa. He was reluctant at first but relented later.

Reached Sentosa in the late afternoon and when others were changing to go home, were changing to start swimming. Funny right?!! The weather was just perfect, the sun was covered by the clouds. The best time for me to swim not worrying about my skin getting dark. I'm already dark for goodness sake and I don't want to be darker.

Isn't he cute, the apple of my eye?

Soaked ourselves in the water, watched the sunset and just enjoying each others company.

We then decided to spend the rest of the evening at Cafe Del Ma. The ambience was great. The service was wonderful. The music wa okey. Ordered our drinks and nachos and we just laid back and relax.

There's this one moment that both of of were so engrossed and really in our own world, an American guy just came to us and said," You peeps have a camera?" ( looked at him with our blur faces, and after a few secs, realising our blur faces, he explained) "well, both of you look so cool together. You look so comfortable. It'll be nice if I just capture the moment." Oh!!! Haha!! we thought what.... Gave him our camera, he snapped, and yah, we do look comfy. Don't you think so?

Took a few more shots and we decided to call it a day.

Had our supper at Newton, then to Mustaffa to buy a school bag and stationaries for my boy and myself. For my boy, Adidas bag for the new year and for myself, a converse pencil case and plenty of stationaries.

Really happy today. The day was spent really nicely.

Sayang, thanks for the unconditional love that you gave. No one can ever replace you in my heart. No one. Love you lots baby.

~Sit(I)lyas Forever~
~Staying strong since 06.10.06~

Happy B'day My Little Prince and merry x'mas

Just yesterday I felt like I was holding my boy for the first time in my arms. It's just like yesterday I saw him open his eyes for the first time, saw his first smile, saw his first step, his first tooth, his first day at school, his first spelling, his first test... It just felt like yesterday....

Now my boy and will always be my baby, is already 8yrs old. Wow! He is halfway to his teenage years.

On the eve, we brought him out to Orchard Rd together with Amir and Iswandi. At Orchard MRT, the crowd was terrible. But it get better, thank goodness, as we went further up towards Wheelock.

On the way to town.

Had our supper at McDonalds and headed down to Orchard Tower to buys cans of spray foams. The 2 brothers already plan and putlay their strategy to spray anyone who got into their path. OOooo!!!! Double trouble!!!!

We saw a caroling choir performing and requested them to sing him a b'day song a few mins before midnight. And at the stroke, we kissed him and we started the spraying frenzy. No one was spared. We just sprayed like nobody's business. And our main target was foreign workers. Haha!!!

My Heroes

We then went back home happy but tired at ard 3am. And my sis gave him a pretzie, a nice shirt. Good thing it's not toys. But hey, his B'day just started. there's more to come.

That morning, His Dad brought him out to celebrate his special day. When I knew that he was otw home in the evening, we quickly bought for him a cake from Swensen and gave him a surprise.

He was busy opening up his pretzie from his 'auntie' and we brought the cake out. Nice cake + happy kid.

My wish for my little boy, Abdul Nursyahid,


Sayang,
Umurmu sudahpun lebih setahun.
Rasanya seperti baru semalam Mama membelai lembut jari jemarimu yang halus dan kecil.
Kini jari jemari itu sudah mula menggapai sesuatu yang tinggi dan mencabar.
Mama hanya mampu memberikanmu apa yang termampu.
Maafkan Mama seandainya Mama tidak memberikanmu sebuah keluarga yang sempurna.
Maafkan Mama kerana mama tiada punya banyak masa bersamamu.
Maafkan Mama Sayang....
Tetapi Mama berjanji bahawa segalanya akan berubah.
InsyaAllah.
Dan sempena Hari Lahirmu yang ke 8 tahun ini, Mama doakan agar Syahid dipanjangkan usia, dimurahkan rezeki dan berbahagia selalu.
Harapan Mama semoga Syahid rajin belajar, jadilah anak yang soleh, jangan nakal dan yang penting sekali kita harus ada sifat Syukur kepada Allah.
Ketahuilah bahawa MAMA SAYANGKAN SYAHID.
And to those whose made my Boy's B'day a memorable one, thanks alot...



And to my Deary, thanks for mp4 that you bought for him. Thanks for trying so hard to be the best new Dad for my kids. Thanks for loving them like your own. Thanks for being there for them when they need you. Thanks Sayang.....



~Sit(I)lyas Forever~
~Staying strong since 06.10.06~

Selamat Hari Raya Haji

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA!!!

Never get to go out. Got to work. 1 more day of attachment to go. My CP teacher gave me an option. Either to burn my public holiday or come back this Sat. Asked Deary about it and he told me about his cousins plans to have a gathering. So I chose to work.

Deary fetched me from work and initially our plan was to visit his uncle in CGH. But I plead with him to let me take a nap. And as usual, once asleep, never want to wake up. He was also tired so we decided to just sleep.

Later in the evening, my family came back and my sisters asked me to join them for a bowling. Yah! Why not. So Syahid, My cuz Nisah n boifey, Habsah n Boifey , Biba, Deary and myself. Had an enjoyable time. Hafiz was crying because we never bring him along. Promised him to bring him tmorrow for the outing with Deary's Cuzzies.

Yes!!! My sister got her licence and this is the first time she's driving a car. Congrats gerl...

~Sit(I)lyas Forever~
~Staying strong since 06.10.06~

Rehab Party

The ward that I'm attached to (Ward 64R) had a xmas party just now. The ward sister approached me and the NUS and NYP students to help out.

I was in the morning shift together with Eunice and Elizabeth. We changed and went to have a quick bite. We then went to blk 7 level 9. Helped to sibuk2. Cut the turkey ham. Carry some stuff.

When the party was about to start, we helped bring our patients from the ward up to level 9 which is also called the void deck. Ex patients were also invited. Some were so healthy that you never knew they underwent rehabilation before. Pamela and HuiJuan were also present.

The party was okey. The best was a dance number put up by the nurses. Well done gerls... U really made the party a memorable one especially with your boogie oogie butts. The food was average. I had to go off earlier as Deary already waited for me downstairs. I really felt so accepted. Thanks everyone.

~Sit(I)lyas Forever ~
~Staying strong since 06.10.06~

Feeling so tired but happy.

Really can't wake up... Got a call from the guys waking us up. We had to head down for breakfast, but our body ain't listening to our mind. Mind : "Wake up you lazy bum!!!" Body: "Nah, just for a while more...." Headed downstairs for breakfast then went back to sleep. Deary and myself were the last one to be down. The rest were waiting for us. Haha! Sorry guys...

We then went to KLCC by LRT-LRT-Train. Well, their train services were all from different company and they are not linked at all. We have to Board, alight, board, alight, board again.... haiz! leceh kan...

Finally reached KLCC.... Ate at BK. Then some last minute shopping.


In between KLCC and the train station, we were sitting at the stairs waiting for the rest who were taking a puff. A security makcik came to us (Deary n me) and she said that we are not suppose to behave like this in a public place. Well, we were just leaning against each other and me giving him a peck on his cheek. WTF!! Then, abt 30 mins later, again we were sitting there and the same auntie walked towards us and said that we were not allowed to sit on the stairs. Get a life makcik. You are just jealous of us... Duh!!

After that we headed back to Pudu Bus Terminal and waited for our bus. OMG, the bus was really haprak. We got the last seat and we were like riding on a roller coaster. Finally reached Larkin at about 9pm.

Home Sweet Home

I miss my Mummy!!!

Luckily, Immirza's parent fetched her and she gave us a ride back home. We were so really shagged. It's enjoyable though and our shopping was more than our budget.

Thanks Sayang for this wonderful trip although there was an episode that I will not forget. But overall, just being with you is the best thing.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Touchdown!!!

We reached KL at around 5am in the morning. The shops selling tickets were not open yet, so we decided to hang around at the coffeshop near to Puduraya terminal.

At 7.30, after some of the shops opened, we went around scouring for tickets to Singapore. But all were sold out. How? We then decided to get the KL-Johor (Larkin) instead. At least its much closer to home. So there, we managed to get 7 tics. We then tried to find our way to Allson Genesis Hotel where we will spend our 2 days. Luckily Yan was with us, or else we would just take a cab there. Yan was really familiar with KL.

The Hotel was near to Bukit Bintang. After asking around, we somehow managed to get to the hotel. We reserved 2 rooms, one for the boys and one for the gerls. Unfortunately the rooms were not ready yet, and our check in time was at 2pm. We then decided to find hotels that we can rest for a few hours. we really need to wash up and stuff. We were walking around aimlessly till we found a lodge Hotel 8. Lucky for us they have only 1 pathetic room. We took it for RM40.

We left our bags at our hotel concierge and started our shopping. Had brakfast cum lunch. Im n me also looked around for cake. Well, we are planning to give a surprise to Amir as his birthday is only a few days away. Got the cake, all was nicely arranged. We then checked in. After resting for a few hours, we then went to have our dinner at Pizza hut and Yan was already there arranging the surprise. Amir, u really blushed bro.

B'day Boy in Yellow

We then went to Petaling St for another round of shopping then headed back to the hotel to change and then to 'The Loft' at Zouk by cab. Nightlife there was ok but still prefer Singapore.

Ended at 3am and we were gone once we reached the comfort of our hotel. ZZzzzz.....

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Holidays....!!!! Yeay!!!

Went to work this morning. I don't know why, but I like so happy... But the time today seems to pass really slow. At last, its over. Can't wait to get back home. Got so many stuff to settle. I haven't pack my bag.

Start packing the moment I reached home. Thinking of taking a nap, but my eyes just won't listen to my brain. Their too busy helping my other side of the brain wander off as far as KL. Deary called and informed me that he's on the way home. Our plan was for him to meet me at my house and then take a cab to beach road to meet the rest.

Really feeling so excited. Took a few pics with my kids. Print out for them. Well, the reason why I printed it out was so that if anything were to happen to me while holidaying, at least they have something latest to remember me by. It's sounds so cliche, but that's me. I always like to have both positive and negative thoughts.

In the cab otw to Beach Rd.
Met the rest and filled our stomach before we started our journey. At 10.30pm, we started boarding the coach. They were so many people going for a holiday. That's why lah it's so difficult to get the tickets initially. At 10.45pm, we were well on our way to KL via second link.

A little of camwhoring before we boarded the bus......

The Heroes
The Angels

I really force myself to sleep. Furthermore, the bus was quite comfy. But there's no need for me to force actually. Soon after we passed the ckeckpoint, I was fast asleep. But woke up halfway and found out that Deary was still playing his PSP. I nagged at him to sleep. Well, I want him to get as many rest as possible cos we won't be getting a good one in KL. Sorry sayang for scolding you, but come to think of it, padan muka you... Haha!!!

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Kual Lumpur, here we come!!!!!!

Finaly everything is confirmed. The bus tickets have been booked. The hotel reserved. Immirza will be joining us. 7 of us will spend our holiday together. Yeay!!!!

We will board the coach at Lavender on Friday at 10.30pm. Our plan is to get the tixs back home once we reached KL. Just hope that we can get the tixs back to Singapore. If not, then maybe we can think of just staying there permanently... hahaha!!!!

Bought many stuff prior to Deary's bonus. Deary bought for me a printer because he know that I need the printer for my school. We also shared money and bought a pink Finepix camera. Deary also bought an advanced birthday present for Syahid. It's an mp4. He also bought a running shoes for himself. The rest of the shopping will be at Kuala Lumpur.

Our budget for the whole Holiday will be S$500.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

I really need a break man!!!!

My body was aching all over. My legs are giving way sooner or later... Arrrggghhhh!!!!!!! I'm feeling so damn tired.... What's with the neverending attachment ( 7 more days to go). Haiz!!!

Deary smsed telling me how much bonus he's getting. Oklah, alright... just nice... so does that mean that we can go ahead and start planning for our holiday? Well, you see, we did plan that we want to go for a holiday a few days ago. Although its last minute, really hope that we can go ahead with the plan. Deary knew that I really longed for a holiday especially since that we never had one ever since we are together.

The furthest we went is Johor... Hahaha!!! pathetic right. Iniatially Deary suggested that we just go together. Just the 2 of us. But I disagree. I want to go with friends cause personally I think we can have that intimate time during our Honeymoon. It's gonna be a special one. So let save it first. Sorry sayang, I really hope u understand and accept my point of view.

Waiting for confirmation from everyone then we can proceed in reservations of transportation and hotel. As for now, Amir, Iswandi, Yan n partner already confirmed that they are going.

As for Immirza, really hope that you can make it gerl. You really need a break. Forget about what happen and just indulge and pamper yourself. Everything will be fine, trust me.

Getting excited already.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

ZOUK Out

I've been around for more than 26 years, and this is the first time that I going to Zouk Out. Planning to party till dawn with Deary's prison's friends. Khai bought the ticket for us 2 weeks ago with each tickets costing $38.

Deary had to go first as his cohort were having a get together thingy. So our plan was for me to go there on my own and meet Deary and his friends at Sentosa. I took my own sweet time to get there. Deary kept smsing asking me what time I will be there. As usual, he won't say that he misses me and really wants me to be there by his side ASAP. Hahaha!!! But sayang, I tahu...

Reached Sentosa around 3pm. The weather was great but lazy to swim. So we laze around.

Around evening, the organisers started to set up and organise everything. Crowd control officials are ready to go. And us, raring to start our partying. Before that, we got ourselves high will all the booze that some of them brought. But I don't dare to make myself drunk.

Around 8.30, we made our way in just to get the tag and waited for the latecomers outside. Finally, when everyone's ready to start partying, off we go.

But I just don't know why... all of us are so shagged. Immirza was emotionally upset and kept crying. There's one thing that you have to note, never drink when you are emotionally down. The consequences can be pretty ugly. Trust me, been there done that. As for the rest, Khai and partner was missing half way, Siti K n partner macam biskut, jap ada jap takder. Tose who stayed together were Nid, Im, Amir, Iswandi, Yan, Lisa, Deary n myself.

Slowly, one by one dropped like a pinball. Yan n partner gave way and went back ard 4am. Nid also went home shortly after. The surviving peeps just hang around at one corner and just gaze at the bunch of partygoers dancing their way into the late night waiting for sunrise. Amir, Deary and myself had a nice massage at a tentage. Nice... relaxing...

And soon after, we gave way. We decided to make our way out from that place and by 6am we're at Harbourfront. Then, Home Sweet Home.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Sian ah!!!

Today is officially the last day of our attachment. For the rest of my cohort, but not for me. I still have 9 days of replacement to go through. You may be wondering why so many days of MC. Well, it's all 'hutang' from last term plus this term. What to do, have to pay back means have to pay back lor.

Luckily the ward that I was attached to or should I say the room I was assigned to was marvelous. The staff was excellent, the bonding with my patient can be felt. Well, my room was actually for patients undergoing rehabilitation. Those who suffered from stroke, Traumatic brain injury, recovering from a major operation from which the limbs gave way, amputees and many more.

These people are the ones that are unable to do their activities of daily living. Things that we take for granted like bathing, walking, sitting up in bed, or just a simple chore like feeding, buttoning even holding a cup. They are the people that God chose to go through a difficult part in their life. Some are lucky, they are able to at least regain 80% of their pre state. But some, they are totally dependent on their family, spouse and even maid. There are also those unlucky ones but no less brave who had no one to look after them. Their wife rejected them after their limbs were amputated, their children refused to take the burden of caring for them, or simply because they have absolutely no one in this world to look after them. Sad right?

Looking at these people somehow set me thinking how life would be if these things happen to me. Or maybe to my love ones... will I have the courage to go on? Will I? At this very moment, I thank ALLAH for giving me all the blessings in life.

A wonderful Family, a loving Fiance, 2 adorable kids. What more can I ask for?

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

An outing with our Family

The kids were bugging us like crazy to bring them for an outing. It's about time actually. Furthermore, we already sign up for an Islander membership. Yah, why not.

They don't really get to go out unless it's with us or their grandmother. Their Dad, huh! He doesn't even bother. The furthest he went with the kids is the playground below. But it's up to him. I don't want the kids to feel neglected. Seriously, I've been neglecting them. I'm too self centered. Busy with my own stuff.

When we tell them that we are bringing them for an outing, they were estatic. They were jumping like a monkey. Ha!ha!

We went to Sentosa by Cable car. They were like so happy. Seeing the joys in their eyes really made my heart melt. Inside, I was really asking myself. Am I really a bad mother? Have I been neglecting them all these while? Haiz! Sorry my boys. Mama promise that the times ahead will be better.


It was really cloudy. The kids was praying hard that it won't rain. Alhamdullilah, God answered their prayers. The weather was wonderful.

They really enjoyed the Luge. We played many times. After the Luge, we watched the Sons of The Sea. Really a nice melodrama. The lightings and fireworks were wonderful.

Really had fun with the Boys. Dunno when will be our next outing together. Overall, I spend nearly $150 just for them. But it's ok. What matters most is that they are happy. But once in a while should be no problem. If everyday, bankrupt lor.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Our Sentosa trip

It's been quite sometime since we last spend our time together. Seems like eons. We then decided to really enjoy ourselves, just the two of us. Our choice, Sentosa.

We took the skytrain in. At the counter, we saw this Sentosa Islander thingy and since it's kinda cheap for the family package, we decided to sign up. It cost about $50 for 2 adults and 3 kids. So, why not. After signing up, we proceeded with our plan.

We took the skyride, then the luge, in fact we tried the Luge 3x. Why not, it's only 5 bucks for Islander. Normal price $9. Really worth it. Really enjoyed it.

After a really tiring afternoon, we had our meal at Sakae Sushi. Ate quite a lot, but still, a plate of rice is still the best.

We really need this outing. Our busy schedule don't permits us this luxury. And even when we do go out, it's always with the companion of our friends. It's not that I don't enjoy it, but once in a while, just being together or to be precise, just the 2 of us, really helps us to bond. It's just so different. There's no need for me to share his attention with anyone. Same goes for him. It's really a nice feeling. Just being together.

Thank you so much Sayang. I really enjoyed myself and I'm really sorry about the things that happened between us the last few days. I will try my very best to be what you want me to be. I know that it's all for my own good. I just need you to guide me along the way.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

My Birthday and another surprise

Had to werk today. What to do... duty comes first... first day at ward 64 yet again...

Received a few b'day wishes via sms from Atikah, Hafa, Pamela, Mat Noh, My bitches, Peah n Puteri. Thanks....

Reached werk only, Mdm Heng wished me. Dunno how she knew about it. As usual just get on with werk.

Then came another surprise. A few of my group mates bought a cake for me. U should't have gone to that extend gerls...

Here we go... another cake...

Again, I felt really happy. Thanks Magdeline, Pamela, Hui Juan, Maisarah n Kiat Siang.
This past year has been a wonderful one for me. Basically I'm satisfied with whatever I have. A family who loves me, a fiance who adores me, frens who finally appreciated me. My financial situations are getting better. My results are improving. And best of all, I got a sponsorship. What more can I ask for. Syukur Alhamdullilah. It's all Allah's gift to me.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Few more hours to go for my B'Day

Just a few more hrs to go before I'm officially 26. Whoa! Time sure past quickly. Felt like just yesterday I celebrated my 5th birthday. Wake up Jamie, u are getting older! Get the fact yah babe. Haha!!!

Actually I'm feeling sad. My baby is in camp. I'm celebrating my b'day without him by my side. But it's ok. I'm fine with it. I can't do aniting anyway. So yalah, at least he already celebrated with me last Sat. Will be meeting Puteri n Peah later and we will be celebrating together. Cut the cake at my hse then we will chill downstair, that's our plan. Told Deary about it and he never said aniting. So yalah, just waiting for them.

Sumting inside me tells me that I will be getting a sweet surprise. Hope it's gonna be my Deary. I dun know why but the feeling that Deary is out of camp today is very strong. Why? Well, just now, he send me to school as I have SIM training and he have to go to SPEAR at Changi Prison for his tactical. He was bringing an extraordinary small bag. When questioned, he said that he left all his stuff at HTA last week. Oh! ok. Then saw his frens, they too bring a small bag... It just left me wondering.

I just dun want to put my hopes too high. I'm afraid that I will be disappointed. But there's no harm in hoping right?

While waiting for Puteri n Peah, Deary's Mum smsed me and asked me whether do i know where Deary n his bro went to. HUH??? Isn't he in camp? What I heard from his mum next sends my heart jumping. Like it's gonna come out very soon. She said that Deary doesn't need to stay in today and he called home earlier to ask his bro to join him. That very moment, I felt like giving Deary a wake up bite and tell him that if next time he really wanted to surprise me, he should at least tell his mum.

At least now I know that I'm gonna be with him on my B'day. Getting excited already.

Peah came and after telling her what i knew n suspected, barely 10mins later, puteri came with the cake. Puteri gave me a pretzie from Bodyshop n Giordano. Then my sisters also gave me a pretzie from bodyshop.

Puteri insisted that I follow her downstairs. Without hesitating and suspect anything, I gladly followed her. Walked towards the carpark. Saw a familiar bike whick looks like Deary's Bro's. Further up, saw Deary's bike, and there he was with Amir, Ishaq and Iswandi.

I ran towards Deary n gave him a big hug with tears in my eyes. That's really sweet darling. didn't expect you to go to this extend. You are not the romantic sort of guy, but what u did tonight was way beyond my expectation.

Amir n Iswandi gave me a pretzie, also from Bodyshop... HAHAHA!!! What a coincidence. Then Deary gave me his pretzie for me from Giordano. Got 5 pretzies. 3 from Bodyshop, 2 from Giordano. Haha!!! And all along, Puteri n Peah knew about the plan in wanting to surprise me. Wah lau!

Before the stroke of midnight, we all went upstairs to cut the cake.

I'm the happiest gerl on earth. On my old day, I'm surrounded by my beloved family, lovely frens and best of all, my one n only SAYANG. It's just great.

To my Sayang,
Thanks Baby. I really dun expect this sweet surprise. This is the first time that anyone have done what u did for me. There's no werds that can describe my happiness n gratitude towards u. Luv u so much.

To my frens,
Puteri, Peah, Amir n Iswandi,
Just your presence have made my life so cheerful. Glad that God created this bond for us. God really love me alot for He gave me the most wonderful people anyone can ask for. By any chance if anyone of you were to meet God before me, pls tell him that I say thank you for giving you guys to me. Sayang korang semua.

To my MUM,
Mak, today I got my first kiss from you. I ever told Ilyas that the greatest gift on my b'day will b your kiss. As far as i can remember, u never kissed me. You are not the type that will show ur love by affections. But i know all along that you love me so much and everything that you have done for me, I can't possibly repay it back. You are always there for me in times of tears and laughter. Not once u complained. I love you so much Ma. And THANK YOU.

My pretzies.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Birthday Celebration

Wow! It's been such a long time since i update my blog. Been busy with werk n stuff. No time man!!! No time. I'm a busy woman u know... khakhakha!!!!

My birthday is coming up and Deary is planning sumting for me. Dunno what but I'm sure am excited.

Deary said that he's planning to go clubbing and at the same time celebrate my birthday. He chose Plush, the old Momo. Before going there, we went for a late dinner at Swensen Orchard. What a waste of money. The food was terrible. The service sucks. The price... exhorbitant for the service u get.... anyway, we proceed to Plush at 11 plus.

There we met his bros from the prisons services, my best bitches, Peah n Puteri and my bros, Yan, Mat Nor and Naz.

Sumting happened before we went in and I totally regret my burst out. I dunno why I reacted that way and I know that I should not have done that. Everyone present was shocked at my outburst. To Khai n partner, I'm truly very sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I really appreciated u guys and thank God that Ilyas have u all as his frens.

To my Deary, I'm really sorry sayang. I promise that I will change. A new year with a new person. That I promise. Thanks for all that you've done. Pls dun spend that kind of money on me baby. Luv u to the MAx.

To all those that turms up, Amir, Iswandi, Ida, Naziah, Yan, Naz, Puteri, Peah, Mat Nor..... thanks you guys. I'm really happy to be surrounded by people who loves me.



Once again to ALL... thanks youu....

Countdown to 13 November

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

2nd Day Raya with Deary's Family

Really very sleepy. Managed to get only 3 hrs of sleep. Get ready and headed to Deary's house.Colour theme for today... orange...

Met the rest of his family. In total we occupy 2 cars and 1 lorry.

Went to Deary's mum's family. What a big family. Happy to be with them.

Deary with his FamilyMy future Family
The Ladies
The Gentlemen
Deary's craziness

Last stop was my house. All my mum's siblings were at my house. Ramai giler. But they all went inside the rooms to give space. They had to call it a day cos Deary had to book in early tommorrow morning. Kesian Sayang aku. We can only do our visiting on weekends.

As for me, I had to werk the afternoon shift. Luckily it's in the afternoon. If not, it's gonna be tiring for me. Gdnight everyone.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Selamat Hari Raya

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

Alhamdullilah, Syawal is here again. Kinda sad to leave Ramadhan not knowing whether am I able to meet this wonderful month again.

As usual, we all will wake up early on the first day of Raya. Hearing the Takbir actually make my emotions twirl. Tears welled up in my eyes thinking about all my love ones that have passed on. At the same time, I'm happy to have the people around me celebrating this day.

Deary:
Sayang, this is our second year celebrating this wonderful month together.
Being with you is a blessing from above.
Every second with you in my life contains happiness.
I'm really happy celebrating Syawal with you again.
Your love for me is so great that I can'r possibly relate.
Thanks for being the KING in my heart.
May all our dreams will become a reality.
With this, your baby here would like to take this opportunity to to wish you,
Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.
May there be more Syawal for us, Insya Allah.

Planned with Deary that I will go to his house first then he will follow me to my house and go visiting together as his family will not be going out on the first day. So there we go... to his house first.

At his house.....

Then at my house, as usual, morning of Hari Raya is always a teary affair. That's the moment when you will kneel down in front of your parent and ask for their forgiveness. Being the eldest of the family, I had to go first and each time, I'm the first one to start crying. And my 2nd sis too. But my 3rd sis usually managed to control her tears pretty well.

Then after that, it's my Deary's turn. I asked eveyone to go out first cos it's embarassing you know. Then I kissed his hand and asked for his forgiveness. He gave me a green packet...!!!! Great!!!

Off we go visiting. First stop: Yew Tee. As both my maternal grandparents has already passed on, it's has always been my Mak Besar's house as she is the first sibling for my mum. Everyone of my maternal family are there....

Last stop at Choa Chu Kang, my uncle's house. Reached home close to 3am. Shagged siak but very happy. Deary slept over at my house because tommorrow, it's my turn to follow him to his relatives' house. Got to wake up at 6am... My first time visiting with his family....ooohhhh!!!


To all Muslims, Selamat Hari Raya!!!! Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Yea Yea!!! besok Raya!!!

YAY!!!! Tommorrow Raya....!!!

Today we only work till 10.30 am.... Only us Muslims. Pamela bingit... kakaka!!!
At werk, the Raya mood is obvious. Everyone looks so happy. After work, went straight home to change.

Deary is booking out at 12pm. Still got some stuff to buy. Deary came to fetch me and we went to Queensway to look for Deary's shoe. We spent close to one hr going in and out all the shoe shops at Queensway but Deary still had not decided which one to buy. Saw one, but no size. Getting impatient already. Ingatkan perempuan yg fickle when comes to shopping, haiz, rupanya lelaki lagi teruk.

Finally, Deary love one particular shoe that cost $139 but after discount it's $94. But left the display piece. Nak taknak, he decied to take it. Next destination, Jurong point to get my shoe.

Headed straight to Charles n Keith and chose a pair that is only one inch high. Price ok... nice... Got my size and paid for it. All done less than 10mins. B, you took 1hr, but see, I took only 10mins... Hahaha!!!

Got socks for boths my kids and hair accessories for me. It's 4pm already and after confirming that we got everything, we head home. On the way out of Jurong point, saw a Harvey Norman van and someone inside waving frantically at us. He looks like a Mat Kotai but actually it's my old fren Scoob... hahaha!!! Mat kotai ehk... with his long hair... oklah...sajak nama tu... Scoob Mat Kotai...

Deary went home straight to break fast with his family. I do some last minute cleaning up of my room.

At 12 midnight, my whole family went downstairs to play fire sticks... we all macam budak kecik
It's been a while since we last played bunga api. Enjoyed ourselves...

Chatted with Deary on the phone and we reflect on the past. The day we first got to know each other. our first Hari Raya together... how we called our ex's on the eve of raya... and lots more....

Got to sleep early, tommorrow have to wake up early.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

BUSY BUSY BUSY

Since the first day of attachment, I've been really busy. No time to even update my blog. Haiz! Well, Attachment is ok though. I still have not spoke to that Bit*h. Tak kuasa. The ward staff are okay. Much better than the last few wards. They are friendly and approachable.

Hari Raya is just around the corner. So much to do and so little time. Haiyoh! But I'm really anticipating Syawal.... This year our colour theme is green. All 4 of us... actually, even my family and Deary's family will wear green... hahaha!!!!

My eyes is giving way and my pillow is calling. Till then, take care peeps. Luv ya....!!!

And for my classmates, our Raya outing has been set. It's on the 3rd Nov. So kindly let me know whether you will be joining us or not. Cos We are thinking of getting transport. Tata!!!!

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Happy 1year anniversary Sayang

Happy 1Year Anniversary My Halus Boy Ilyas.

These past year was really challenging. We went through many obstacles and brave through stormy weathers to make our relationship a strong one. And it sure has become the strongest. May all our wishes come true in the years to come... Love u lots Deary...

Yup! It's been a fruitful one year of Us being together. Never felt this satisfaction in my past relationship before. And I'm really very happy.

While waiting for the rest at BoonLay

We met the Coca-cola guys at Boonlay. Then as usual we headed to Makan Shiok. There, the rest actually planned to go Rouge near to Centrepoint. Well, we don't really have plan on our own, and we want to be together when the clock strike 12midnight to mark our anniversary. So, yah, we decided to join them.

Fraction of us. The rest dunno where...Fino, Deary n me

After Rouge ended at 4am, all of us don't feel like going home yet, so we decided to 'melalak'. We then headed to Scotts Rd for Karaoke.

Deary merajuk tak dapat nyanyi.Lawa lah tu muka....

I don't sing so I past my time camwhoring.

We all had our sahur at West Coast Mcdonald. Thanks Sani n Zai, for treating us. Reached home near to 9am. Later still got plan. Deary is planning a romantic dinner just for the 2 of us. Actually I wanted to plan as Deary had no time, but I decided to let Deary handle. Let's see how he planned at the shortest time. I just told him what I like. It must be fine dining, romantic ambience, within budget, possibly by the beach. The rest, it's up to you sayang.

I went to meet him at Woodlands so as not to waste time. I did ask him where are we heading and he just gave me a Ssshhhh sign. Hmmm!!! Another surprise huh? It's really a long journey and my butt starting to get numb already. Along the way, I can't help but imagining how our night will be.

He then turned into East Coast Park. As far as I'm concern, Gurame closed down. Where in the hell are we going? We walked and stopped outside this restaurant called ZEN. Well, the setting is nice as we both love Zen. Fine dining and it's by the beach. And furthermore ECP held our first meeting. But the ambience? It was very squeezy. He was a bit disappointed but I assure him to plan again for my upcoming birthday celebration. He have ample time to do that and I expect a tip top results.

So baby, it's ok that our plan did not turn out well this time. What matters most is the thought. I still love you the same. HAHA!!!

I'm really famished, so we scouted for different place to dine. We went to Chimes, but it does not appeal to us. As it's getting late, we decided to go to Newton as it also holds yet another sweet memory for both of us. There you go, a fine dining at Newton Food Centre surrounded by a romantic smoky ambience. What a typical Singaporean. What more can I ask for?

I really enjoyed myself today on our 1st anniversary. Thanks Sayang for going to these extend. I really appreciate it baby. Love you to the MAX.....


Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Surprise surprise

Yeah! It's Friday again. I always look forward to Friday as it is a very special day for both me and Deary. This is the day that Deary will book out and Friday is the day that I can 'lepaskan rindu'.

Called Deary a few times but no answer. Smsed, also no reply. Well, maybe Deary is having his lecture. Only heard from him at 6.00pm telling me that he just finished and on the way home. So late... Wanted to meet him at Woodlands but he insisted that that I just wait for him to fetch me. Why Sayang? Aren't you excited to meet me? You never miss me is it?

Our plan, he go home first, break fast, rest a while, fetch me and head to Boon Lay to meet his Coke Friends. So what can I say, I just followed his order.

8pm already and Deary still haven't called me yet. The last sms received was when he just reached home. Why Sayang? I really don't understand.

Suddenly the bell rang and someone at the door asked to see Siti. My mum answered and her question to that guy,"Which Siti?" Well, all 3 of my dad's gerls are Siti. He mentioned my full name and I was quite blur. But something in his hand just gave me the idea. It was a bouquet of pink flowers and a teddy. WOW!!!!!!

Just yesterday we had a talk and I was complaining how unromantic he is and I reminded him about our anniversary. He told me to shut up. So this is why. The late reply, the silence, not wanting me to meet you at Woodlands. You have something up your sleeves huh?

I was really happy as this was my first time getting a bouquet of flowers my entire life. And a surprise. Thank you Baby Deary. I really appreciate your gesture. Never expect you to go to such an expense.

Planning a romantic dinner tommorrow to celebrate our 1st year anniversary. Have a few places in mind. Now, I'm just waiting for my Deary. Can't wait to hug him.

Deary,
Thanks a lot Baby. Yup, these one whole year with you has given me nothing but happiness. I will trade nothing in this world for you. You are the best thing that has ever happen to me. You brought light to my dark life. You gave me strength to move on. Despite all the hardships that we went through together, we hang on tight and that make us stronger. I pray to GOD ALMIGHTY that we will always be ONE, and only death will do us part. But that only for a while as we will meet in Heaven. Love you so much my Halus Boy.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

A new ME

Puteri promised me that she will go with me to have my hair rebonded. Tried contacting her since yesterday night, but in vain. Where the hell is she? Is she alright? Hope she's ok. AArrggghhhh!!!!!!! Decided to go by myself.

Went to a hair saloon in Bukit Batok with Syahid. After asking their price range which are quite affordable, I went in and decided to have a go.

Rebonded my fringe, had a hair treatment and layered my hair. Total cost of the day: $90.00. Oklah. Satisfied with the results. And maybe you guys can judge the outcome. Really excited to hear my Deary's comment. But I know that he will say that I look ok.

Got home, had a nap and after break fast, I brought Syahid to Jurong point as the rest of my family went to Geylang.

Only then Puteri called me and said she just woke up. She explained that yesterday, she spend the whole day with someone. Asked her to come along with us to JP. She agreed. That's Puteri, always on the go.

Happy to see her eyes lit up when she talked about her day with that person. Are you in love Puteri. As a friend, here is my advice;

If you think he's the one for you, do take things as it comes. Try to win him over with your real self. Cos hypocrites never lasts. But just remember one thing, you are too special for anyone to step over and take advantage of. So, all the best gerl. And just remember that your friend will always be here for you. That's what frens are for right.

Missing my Halus Boy pretty much. One more day and I can meet him. Can't wait.

Deary Baby,

two more days to our 1 year anniversary... Wonder what he have in store for me...

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Congrats to myself

Really can't sleep yesterday. After sending Syahid to school, I managed to catch a few winks. Woke up at 10am after receiving a call from my uncle. He told me that my uncle in prison will be giving me a few hundred. As for my family, everyone got $100 bucks each. Well, he just sold his house so he decided to gave us a token. He gave me more cos I'm his favourite niece and he's really proud about me joining nursing. This is not the first time he's giving me money.

After that piece of good news, I began planning what I can do with that money. It's been a while since I splurge on myself. And so I decided, I'm gonna rebond my fringe, cut my hair layered and go for a hair treatment. Told Deary about my plan and he agreed. It's time for a little change. Maybe for our 1 yr anniversary. And so I will be going with Puteri to get my hair done. Feeling excited already.

Suddenly I just remembered that the results will be out today. I quickly checked the website. To my relieve, I got kind of a satisfactory results. And my GPA too. Everything looked good. All my efforts paid off pretty well. But actually, I can do better. Will try harder next year. Many of my classmates also did pretty well. Congrats u peeps. And my utmost appreciation to Ms Rafika. She's really a great Class Advisor. We are really lucky to have her. Just too bad that it's only for 3mths. But she sure is like an angel sent to us. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

I also receive a $60 'fidyah' voucher given by MUIS. Alhamdullilah... this is what they call rezeki. Gonna give that voucher to mummy.

Collected my baju kurung. Yah, although it's a bit funny with the look, somehow, it's kinda nice.

Persuaded Deary to report sick tomorrow. Then maybe we can settle many things. Go Braddell to collect the voucher at MUIS. Then he can accompany me to have my hair makeover. We can also do last minute shopping. Many things lah. But, on second thought, I do want to give him a surprise. But again, I really hope that he can be with me tommorrow. He never said anything but he reprimanded me in a joking manner for instigating him into taking MC. Haha!!! Peduli apa....!!!!
Just keeping my hopes up that he will take MC.

Puteri told me that she got the job at SATS. Congrats gerl. With all the good news, suddenly I can't wait for Hari Raya. Looking forward to celebrating it.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Getting together

Time really flies quite fast. Without us realising, it's only a week more to attachment and less than 2weeks to Hari Raya. Wow!


And it's been 2 mths since deary started his training. And during that period, I've been a very good girl. Staying at home, lazying around, sleep.... (tapi tak gemuk2. makin kurus lagik ada).

I was damn bored and decided to find khakhis to break fast together. We decided to have it today.

Initially, Titi wanted to join Fyra, Putri, Fafa n me. But somehow, she smsed me yesterday and told me that she can't join us as she was having a bit of problem. Was a bit dissappointed, but Titi, just hope that your problems will be over. I will pray for you gerl.

So there you go, 4 of us. Break our fast at Cahaya Far East. Then we headed to Wheelock. Did some window shopping. Then we headed to Marina Square and chilled out at Starbucks. Talked, gossipped... scandals revealed... wow! I'm really oblivious to what's happening to my surrounding. Camwhoring.....

Then at 10.30pm, we decided to head home. Shared a cab with Putri.

Did not chat on the phone with Deary as he told me that we was really tired and wanted to have an early night. Had a quick updates while in the cab and off he went to dreamland. Thanks Baby for giving me that trust. I really appreciate it. Love you so much sayang.

And to Putri, Fyra and Fafa, nice going out with you gerls.... Anyway, our next outing will be in a few days time... will update you gerls on that.

To all my cohort mates, tommorrow will be the results.... All the best....
Goodnight....

<<**Sit(I)lyas Forever**>>
<>

Got my new Lenovo laptop

Got up quite early today. Was supposed to visit my uncle but somehow something came up along the way. So my sis and I decided to go shopping at Tangs.

Not many people and we browse through all dept. Bought something for Deary for our 1 yr anniversary. Alsoo for my kids. As for myself, just a handbag. Shoes, aarrrggghhh, I really dun know what they have... all the pattern that I like had no sizes... even for my sis.... from size 6 to size 9... no stock... duh!!!

All along, I was really hungry. My stomach was grumbling all the time. Both of us were not fasting and I suggested to go get sumting, bt my sis don't want cos she said it's embarrassing. Then we decided to buy back from Cahaya. Upon reaching home, we ate. Actually in the cab we already took bites of chocolate. Cannot tahanlah...

Took a nap while waiting for the laptop guy to call. I had to go to Lengkok as they will sent it there. Got the call at 8 pm and rushed down.

I received a Lenovo laptop, complete with a bag, a mouse and a thumbdrive. All for $530 after subsidies of $200 from ITE. Actually, I applied for a laptop under the low income student scheme. And thank God I got it among thousands of application.

Deary was kinda excited about the lappy cos he paid half. The other was given by my parent after much persuasion. Thanks Deary, Mum and Dad....

Happy Children's Day to my wonderful Boys....

Abdul Nursyahid n Abdul Nurhafiz.

Mama Love you lots....

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Snapped at Deary

Had a great tiff with Deary yesterday. Somehow I got pissed off with the changes in him. He had no classes yesterday. I called him at 9pm and he told me he was hanging out with his bunk mates... (all week with them, still not enough) ok, told him to settle his stuff earlier cos he told me he wanted to have an early night.
Waited til 10.30 trying to call him but in vain. The calls were not answered. Managed to communicate with him near to 11pm. So angry that I lost control. I sanpped.
I told him about my feelings all these while and he couldn't take it. Never seen him so agitated before.
Talked for a few minutes and our conflicts solved. Came to a compromisation. Actually, he just need a proper time management. That will solve all problem. He promised that he will do just that. And as for me, he is still my Halus boy, it's just me that was afraid of my own shadow.

Actually, I really felt bad for snapping at him. I'm truly sorry sayang.

Today, as usual, really bored staying at home.... and I'm missing my Halus boy really badly....
Then I decided to sms him....

My sms:
B, seriously, I'm missing you pretty badly.
It's been sometime that I had these feelings.
The last was when you just started your training.
After that, it was under control.
Today, especially now, missing you had escalates to a level that may effect my sanity.
How sayang? I know you never miss me.
Especially after yesterdays' incident and I made you angry.
I had never seen you so agitated like that before.
I really regret it sayang. I promise that it won't happen again.
Please get back to me once u received this sms if you don't want this crazy woman to attck HTA due to missing her fiance.
Such a hot topic. Confirm it will make a frontpage news.
Love you and miss you to the maximum boiling point.


Don't worry, I'm still holding on to my sanity pretty well.... hahaha!!!!!!

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

This is for you Putri Nadirah

Well, we actually started quite badly...

The first time I saw her was during our one day try out at a nursing home in Toa Payoh (forgot the name). Her boyfren or should I say ex-boyfren sent her. The moment I saw her, I just disliked her face. I nicknamed her spongebob. Hahaha!!! Sori gerl.....

We got to know each other closer during our 1.1 attachment at SGH ward 57. She was in a different team but in the same attachment group as I am. We were not that close. Somehow she made frontpage news about an incident involving 'W' and 'A'. We both took sides. I sided 'A' (regretted it though). And she sided 'W'.

Putri was close with 'W' as they were buddies for 6 years. The problem with Putri, she had a very bad attitude towards work. She was always feeling sick and soon she was popular amongs the teachers again. One day, 'A' and I saw Putri, 'W' and another gerl took a their own break. 'A' and I decided to complain as our target was clearly at 'W' cos he was 'A''s enemy. Cut it short, all 3 were caught but only Putri got into deep sh*t. So out of frustration and to protect her integrity, Putri quit (that's a really stupid thing to do gerl).

As for me, I learnt a big lesson for siding with 'A' as she was a bloody Bit*h and she did got me into trouble with the Nursing Head. BAckstabber. I will never forgive you 'A'. And I swear I will make your life fu*king miserable.

After a few months, I managed to contact Putri through frenster and we clarify everything. So now we are... back together for a fresh start. I've found a fren I've been looking for in Putri. Told Putri the truth and ask for her forgiveness. At least I admit about the complaining thingy, unlike that idiotic 'A'.

To Putri,

Thanks for being my fren. Rest assured that you will always have someone to fall back whenever you need. I will always lend you my shoulder to cry on, be your laughing partner... and your ever laser gossiping bitch... hahaha...

>>**Sit(I)lyas Forever**<< >>Staying strong since 06.10.06<<

Never appreciated

The past 25 years of my life, I never felt appreciated before. You may assumed that I am exaggerating. Well, I'm not.
Why I'm saying this? Well, I don't know. What I do know is that people around me just behaved like I'm invisible. Since I was in primary school, I was often tha target of bullies in my school. They called me names and often took advantage of me. I don't really have good friends accept for a chinese girl by the name of Serene. She was also like me, being bullied and the object of sarcasm.
In secondary, I decided to stopped these things and began to appear brave. I hung out with those gangsters, smoked and played truant. Got into fights and did whatever my group did to gain reputation. It all took a turn when I was in Sec 3. The group I was with was caught for beating up a gerl who nearly died. They were punished. That's when I changed. Became very close to 3 gerls and we were together till sec 4. But least did I expect that one of my so called best fren, actually had ill intention of me. This person was quite pretty, soft spoken, gentle and very pious... that's what everyone knew her for... She was jealous and tried her best to bring me down. well, she managed to but just for a while. The people around me somehow saw her true colours. Since then, I dun really care if I have friends or not.
Joined the working force and was happy. But all along.... my relationship was not a good one. I was often misunderstood. My good intention always backfired. Like when I tried helping a friend who was having trouble in her love life, I was there for her all along, bt when everything was fine, I was called kepo... and her boifey hated me.
Even recently, I tried helping a friend, and again I was the bad guy.... Just a few days ago, I tried to bring my cousins together, but no one even thanked me for doing that and even felt disgusted about my blunder. Even the person I love the most don't appreciate it. What a life.
I sometime pray to God to take away my life. Maybe, I will be appreciated when I'm gone. That's a norm.
The most painful thing is when your closest people somehow called you irritating or worst, disgusted. You tried your very best to make things better, but it never did. It got worst. The least you could do is just wait, hoping that their perception towards you will change. Or maybe you wish u will just drop dead. It's the end of all misery. I should really learn how to say no when people come to me for help. Like the other day, a friend actually told me that her boifey had an affair and she knew who the gerl was. She asked me to call the gerl and talked to her. If it was the old Siti, I would gladly help, but sorry gerl, I dun want to be labelled as kepo. I told her that I don't dare and I don't want to get implicated. The only thing that I can do is to pray for her.
Felt others pain and tried my best to cure it, but The pain in me, no one knew.

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06

Missing my late Uncle

Been busy the past few days... as usual... weekend mah...
I've not been fasting the last few days... My gastric is giving me problems...
The arrival of Ramadhan usually gave me mix feelings. I'm happy that after 1 year of waiting, Ramadhan is here again. This is the month when we try to collect as many 'pahala' as possible. This is a very sacred month that every Muslim waited for each year. This is also the month that us missing our love ones are xceptionally higher. Especially those who are far away or who had already passed on.

As for me, I'm missing my late uncle pretty badly. Each time I thought about him, it will sent tears in my eyes. My uncle died in 2004 on the eve of National Day. The cause of death, coronary occlusion or in layman term, heart attack. He was just 36 years old then with 4 young children.

He was basically my closest uncle. He can take any type of jokes. Cheerful and outgoing. But as usual, he is often misunderstood. His life was not a walk in the park. He suffered many setbacks since his first divorced. That actually was the start of his painful journey. But never once did the smile on his face fades away. He never failed to try his best to cheer the people around him. Once he start talking, he will never stopped. That's my Uncle.... but people around him never appreciated him. He was often labbelled as irritating, noisy and whatnots. But he doesn't care. Actually, it did get to him. I still remember his last words when he tried to joke around with my sis. Somehow my sis was irritated with his ways, and shooed him away. He said," yelah, korang semua sekarang dah besar eksen apa. Dulu pakcik jugak yg jaga korang. Sekarang pakcik langsung tak dihargai". He passed away after a week.

After he passed way, that was the time when people around him actually acknowledged him. Thats when my sis regretted what she didto him. That's when they keep saying how nice he was. How kind, how he tried his best to give happiness to people, how he tried to show his love, how he helped never saying cannot......Haiz!!! but it's too late u guys... he died not knowing that u guys appreciated him....

That's normal for us. We often never see the good in people we love the most. Yah, somehow, sometimes, tat person appeared irritating, but have u stopped for a second to think why he/she did that? NO!!!!

All you cared was your own feelings. Your water face. Your own happiness. Never once you spared a thought about others. Never once you tried to ask what was going on. Never appreciate the hard work the other person went through for your happiness. These people are the people around you. Be it your family, your partner, your best friends, your classmates, colleagues or even the person u hated most. It's all about urself and not the others.....

Sit(I)lyas Forever
Staying strong since 06.10.06